


ADHD

by gube_and_urie



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gube_and_urie/pseuds/gube_and_urie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon is currently in a relationship with Dallon but is constantly being reminded of when he was with Ryan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Brendon's POV 

"We must reinvent love..." I heard Dallon singing from the kitchen. Th-that s-song, I hadn't heard that song since....

*FLASHBACK*

Ryan walked towards my mic, getting ready to do our usual "thing" we always did when we sang the last verse of "Mad as Rabbits." He leaned over to the mic, closer to my face then nessasary, I loved it. I'd loved it since we started doing it on stage when he asked me out four years ago. "We must reinvent loooooove, reinvent loooove." We sang and sang, feeling the emotion of the song and I grinned at Ryan. He gave me a small smile and we walked to the center of the stage to bow.

"Okay," I told myself after the show when we were heading to the dressing room, "You can do it." I had finally been ready and I knew. I tapped Ryan on the shoulder and nodded toward the only corner of the room where it wasn't filled with people. He got the hint and followed. I reached inside my pocket, searching for the small velvet box which held a small silver band and sighed. I noticed Ryan's shoes were untied and bent down to tie them. He looked strangely at me but said nothing. When I finished I stayed on my knee and puled out the box. "Ryan, will you be mine? Till death do us part?" My teeth were chattering in nervousness. 

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I thought about the memory and his response, and how I threw the small velvet box out of my car window that night, how Ryan told me and Spencer him and Jon were leaving that night. I could feel tears stinging the coners of my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I listened as Dallon continued to sing the chorus. "Stop," I said quietly. "Hmm?" I heard Dallon and he continued to hum lightly. "I said stop," I said a little louder. "Stop what?" Dallon said drumming his finger on the marble counter to the beat of the song blaring through his headphones. Why was he even listening to that?! "Don't, don't sing that - that song." I managed to say before running up to our bedroom and sitting on the edge of the matress with my head in my hand, rejection playing over and over in my mind as tears fell from my as my silent sobs shook my whole body.

I put on my most convincing smile and went downstairs to Dallon. He was stirring macaroni and cheese around in a pot on the stove. I quietly walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, making him jump slightly. "Hey babe." I said to him, rubbing circles into the waistband of his jeans. "Hey," he said back, putting one hand on mine,"feeling okay now?" I nodded against his back and spun him around. I took the wooden spoon from his hand and licked it teasingly. Dallon bit his lip and smiled. "Hey! I was cooking with that spoon!" He laughed and I smiled, continuing with the spoon, this was some really good mac and cheese. I told Dallon so and he laughed, "I got it out of a box." His smile slowly faded and I noticed him staring at my mouth and I smiled. "Done cooking?" I asked. "Uh- y-yeah." He said nodding quickly. He quickly grabbed the spoon from me and threw it in the sink, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me against him. I chuckled harshly, "Hey there." He grabbed the sides of myu face, connecting our lips. He moved his hands into my hair, tugging lightly. He ran his tongue gently on my bottom lip, practically begging for my mouth. I decided to tease him so I kept my lips closed tight. He growled and yanked my hair, making me gasp and his tongue explored my mouth, finding mine. "Mmm," I sighed into his mouth.   
We continued kissing, things getting more heated by the second. Ding Dong. The doorbell rang and I pulled away from Dallon. "Were you expecting anyone?" I ask. "Oh right, yeah. There's this couple that just moved in upstairs and the girl, Amanda, came over and said they wanted to come over later." I sighed and walked over to the door, not bothering to fix my disheveled hair and clothes. Dallon just leaned back against the counter top staring at me while I turned the doorknob. 

I opened the door and saw a woman about 25 smiling at me. "Hi." I smile, "Where's your other half?" I say, not knowing their relationship status. She speaks up, "Oh, my husband? He's coming down, he's just fixing a couple things." I nod and gesture into the house towards the kitchen where Dallon is. She looks at Dallon, then back at me, then realizes. "Oh." She says. "I didn't realize you were- " I just nod at her and ask the question. "Is that a problem?" She gapes and shakes her head quickly. "No, no, no. Not at all. My husband is bisexual." I nod understandingly and I hear a knock at the door and hurry to answerr it. I open the door to be face-to-face with my past. I quickly slam the door and spin around to look at Dallon. "Do you know who that was?!" "Who was it?" Dallon asks and I whisper loudly, "Ryan Ross!" Amanda looks at me and laughs. "Oh, are you a fan of his music or The Young Veins?" Amanda is confused as fuck. "He didn't tell you?" She looks at me with a confused face, so I continue. "Have you ever heard of Panic! at the Disco?" I have no idea why she wouldn't, but she's clearly clueless. She nods and says, "I've only heard one song, I Write Sins Not Tragedies." I resist my urge to laugh as I start to sing. Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews of a church corridor, and I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words." I stop there, hoping she'd realize, when the door swings open and Ryan jumps into the room. "Don't tell her anything!" He says. "What?" I feign inoccence then continue. "Oh! You mean the fact that you and I used to be in Panic! together and we dated then you refused my proposal?" Amanda just gaped at Ryan as he ushered her out of the apartment. "We're leaving now."


	2. Confessions

It's only been about three minutes since my world just changed, since my past, the past I desperately tried to forget, walked through my door. I'm sitting on the couch, head my my hands. Dallon comes over and sits in the chair across from me. "Refused your proposal?" I hear Dallon say and I sigh. I can't hide from it anymore, I have to tell him.

"Well." I start to tell Dallon something I should have told him right from the beginning.

 

~~~~~~~~~

I was walking up to my locker after my last period and saw Spencer, my best friend, leaning against it. "Hey Spence." He smiles, "So..." He says, obviously wanting me to do something. I got all of my books out as the bell rang. "Yeah, yeah. Cut the crap, what do you want?" He smiles ear to ear, "Well, there's this band looking for a drummer and a guitar player." I just shook my head, walking out of the school's doors. "You know I have terrible stage fright." He was always trying to get me to do stuff like this. "But you're a whiz on guitar! Just audition, please, please, please!" I thought about it. I'm not that great anyway, maybe I wouldn't be good enough. "Alright, fine. But if I'm not good enough, you have to stop bothering me about stuff like this." He smiles and sticks out his hand. "Deal."

It's been a week and well... the audition's today and I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't even want the position, but thinking about preforming in front of people makes me sick. I throw on a pair of my black skinny jeans and a Blink-182 tank top, that showed off my pale barely-there muscles. I grab my guitar case and head out to my car. It's pretty beat up, but it's what I have. I hop in the car and head over to Spencer's, where I'm picking him up. 

I pull into his driveway and wait for him to come out. I surf through the radio and settle on a channel that was playing Sinatra. I sang along as I saw Spencer walk out of his house. I soon saw Spencer's mom, Ginger, run out of the house and tell him something. I assume it's when he has to be home. His mom is way over protective, but she's really sweet and pretty much like a second mom to me. I saw Spencer wave to Ginger and walk toward my car. This must really be a big deal for him, because he's looking pretty fancy, for a teenage boy anyway. He's wearing a light blue button-up and a black tie and vest. His blue eyes were lined with light eyeliner. I smiled when I saw that he was wearing that pair of worn grey jeans, he called them "his lucky pants." But I had to admit, he looked great. I suddenly felt under dressed as he opened the door to the passenger seat, making me even more nervous.

It took about ten minutes to get to the address on the flyer. It definitely wasn't what I was expecting. We pulled into the driveway behind three other cars in front of a huge mansion. I didn't know anyone from my school was this rich. I walked up to the door behind Spencer. The hand clutching the case strap sweating. "Um, Spencer, would it be wrong to drive away and forget about this whole thing?" My nervousness gradually getting worse. Spencer shook his head and gave me a small encouraging smile. "I know you can do this." I smiled back at him and he rang the doorbell. I heard footsteps coming towards the door and I fought the urge to run away from this thing. What am I doing this for anyways? It's not even like I'm that great at guitar, I've only been playing for like eight years. Okay so maybe that's kind of a long time, but my point still stands. The door opens and I see who might be the beautiful person I've ever-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey! Your boyfriend! Right here!" Dallon interrupts. I sigh, "Lighten up, I'm explaining what my feelings were at the time so you understand." I say to him. He nods, strtching and yawning. "Can you finish the story tommorow though, because I'm really tired and I want to make sure I'm paying as much attention as I can." I nod and he stands up and holds out his hand to me. He lifts me off the couch and we head up to bed, hand-in-hand.

......... ........ ............. 

I wake up to see Dallon straddling my hips. "Morning babe." He smirks. I smile back at him. "You want some breakfast." He asks. I raise one eyebrow at him suspiciously. "Is that a double-meaning for something?" He laughs and smiles, "For eggs and bacon." Oooh bacon, yum. I gently push Dallon onto the bed and peck him on the lips and leap off the bed. "C'mon! I have a story to finish."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi, I'm Ryan." The boy says giving Spencer his hand to shake. He extends his hand to me and I pale. Why do I have to be so nervous. "I -uh-um-Br-Brendon" I say gripping his hand firmly, not making eye contact. I glance at his face and see him smiling at me, eyes sparkling. I quickly look away and follow Spencer as we're ushered into the large house. "So," I hear Ryan continue. "The music room is up here. There's pretty much every instrument you can think of in there, but I see you brought your own." He says, the comment obviously directed towards me as I clutched my guitar strap nervously. We we're being led up a narrow spiral staircase leading to what seemed to be the biggest room in the whole house. We walked in and as soon as I saw it I stopped and my jaw hit the floor.

In one corner of the room there was a beautiful, white, piano. Acoustic guitars of every brand covered the walls. Electric guitars on their stands crowded another corner. Inbetween the guitars and piano there were three drums sets I saw Spencer practically drooling over. Above the electric guitars, hanging by wire from the ceiling, there were all sorts of horns and trumpets. On the wall to my right I saw five acourdians on a shelf above several flutes and recorders. In the emptiest corner of the room there was a table with a mic stand next to it. On the table there were several papers scattered around. I figured they were lists and information about all of the people auditioning.

"Brendon, hey, Brendon. You okay buddy?" I see Ryan in front of me snapping his fingers. I feel heat rising to my cheeks. "Oh... um, s-sorry. I just- all your instruments." I gesture around the room. He chuckles sweetly. "Yeah. I choose to spend what I get out of my parents' wealth on stuff I enjoy." I nod, understanding what he means. "Um...I know I brought my own guitar, but you mind if I-?" I ask. "Of course!" He says and he gets the guitar I was eyeing off of the wall and hands it to me. I set my guitar down gently and pull a pick out of my pocket. "Is- there- a um, certain thing I should play?" Spencer raises his eyebrows at me. "Getting over that stage fright I see.." I just blush. "Ryan looks at me and smiles,"There's no need to be nervous." I nod and sigh. "And no, you can play anything you feel most comfortable playing." I nod agin looking down at the beautiful guitar in my hands. I close my eyes and try to focus on just playing. I start to play a song I wrote with Spencer in middle school, we've since improved... a lot. But the song calmed me down, reminded me of all the comforting things in my life. I started to sing softly as Spencer beat on the drums to the beat. "Ryan looked at me, "Sing louder." I was hesitant, but I just did it. Something about Ryan my nervousness go away. 

We finished the song and I opened my eyes to see Ryan gaping at me. "Um, you didn't tell me you could sing." I shook my head. "That's because I can't." He just smiled at me in disbelief. "Brent!" Ryan yelled as he stuck his head out of the room. I looked confused as somebody walked in and eyed me and Spencer. "Ryan gestured towards us and spoke to Brent. "Here's our new band."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dallon looks up at me from eating his bacon. "So that's how the band got started. "Sounds too easy. Are you sure this is what happened?" I just nodded and laughed. This is going to be a long story.

"If you want me to finish the story, you're gonna have to stop interrupting me." I say to Dallon and he nods. Time to continue this story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I turn to glare at Spencer and walk over to one of the drum sets. He was smirking at me. "You did this, didn't you?" I whispered harshly at him. He just shrugged and went over to Ryan. "Can I um, maybe talk to you for a minute?" He smiled, "Of course!" He led me to a room stocked with keyboards. "So, what did you need?" He says, smiling at me. It almost made me feel bad that I had to quit the band already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My boyfriend is a quitter?!" Dallon gasped, laughing and I glared at him. "Do you want to know the truth or the version that won't get me laughed at?" He just smirked at me, "How do I know you're telling the truth?" Oh my god! He is such a child. I stand up and head for the door. "Don't follow me, I'll be back with your proof." And with that I walk out the door. I walked up the stairs to the 3rd level of the building and looked for 3E. Ah, found it. Knock Knock Knock. I hear footsteps coming towards the door and I instantly regret my decision. Well, I can't really "ding dong ditch" them. The door opens and I see Amanda, she's glaring at me. "Can I talk to your husband...please?" She closes the door and I hear a quick muffled conversation between Ryan and Amanda. Ryan comes the door not a minute later. "What?" He says, obviously still made about what happened yesterday. "I really need your help." I say looking at my feet. He steps into the hall and closes the door. "With what, exactly?" "Dallon's being a smart-ass," I tell him and he raises one eyebrow at me and puts a hand on his hip."What does that have to do with me? I don't know him, and I barely know you! It's been five years, Brendon." I sigh, that hurts, I know it's true, but hearing him say it- "I know." I say, "Forget I asked." I said walking away. I cann feel him watching me as I go down the stairs and head towards our apartment. 

I walk into the apartment and look at Dallon, he's asleep on the couch. How the hell can someone fall asleep in five minutes? I go into my closet and bring back a blanket for Dallon and lay it on top of him. Ding Dong. I open the door to be met with Ryan staring at me. "Um," He says, "Can I come in?" I nod and gesture towards the room. He steps in and I close the door behind him. "So, what did you need help with?" Ryan asks. "Well, nothing really now, Dallon's asleep." "Oh." He says, and this is really awkward. "Can I ask you a question?" He says, and I have to admit, I'm a little scared, "Shoot." I hear myself say. "Do you wanna just start over, as friends?" Friends, I really don't think I'm ready for that. I know it's been five years, but. I just can't.


	3. Casual Affairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon does something he's going regret for a pretty long time

Ryan's POV

Brendon still hadn't answered my question and looked deep in thought, his bottom lip between his teeth. He glanced up at me and shook his head. "Good." I say without even thinking. "Neither do I." I stepped forward, my hands finding their way to Brendon's face I looked him in the eyes and leaned in, our foreheads and noses touching, I was giving him a choice. I closed my eyes and waited, then there were arms around my waist and lips on mine.

The kiss was nothing and everything. It was innocent and dirty. It was confusing. I didn't know what I was doing. The kiss never progressed from just our lips on each others, just barely touching, and in a way, I didn't want it to. I leaned a bit away, our foreheads leaning on each other's. I could feel his his lips for a milisecond before he pulled away completely. "What is this?" He sighed and I shook my head as I headed towards the door. "I guess I'll see you later." I said, "Yeah," I hear Brendon say, he still hasn't turned around and is staring at the floor. I duck my head and leave, leaning against the closed door. What did I just do?

Brendon's POV

I watched Ryan leave out of the corner of my eye, what the hell did I just do? I barely know him. Should I tell Dallon? I'm so confused. I walked up to our bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. I just sat there, staring at the wall, my mind going blank, but a million questions still desperately wanting to be answered.

After what I think was 20 minutes, Dallon waddled into the room, the blanket draped over his shoulders and around his back."Hey, Babe." He said, smiling. The sight made me want to cry. He's so genuine, innocent, pure... loyal. He's all of the the things I'm not. The guilt is already eating me from the inside out as Dallon sits next to me and pushes me onto my back. "Wanna watch Aladdin?" He asked, "You look upset." Oh, he noticed, but he's the one who should be upset, he should hate me... he would hate me; if I knew.

He turned both of us onto our sides and nudged closer to my back, wrapping one arm around my waist. I put my hand over his, searching for the answers I needed. He kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear and whispered to me, "I love you, Bren." He says and a tear rolls down my cheek, and I'm glad he can't see my face. "I l-love you too, Dal, so fucking much, no matter what." I tell him, voice cracking slightly as I respond. We stay like that for a while before he starts to nuzzle his nose against my neck. Nuzzling>kissing>biting. I know what he wants, and for the first time ever, there's actually doubt of if I want to do it too. He finds my most sensitive patch of skin on my neck and gently sucks on it, tongue gliding over the bruise I feel forming slowly. I turn around to face him and press my lips to his. "Not today, okay? I just- Can we just cuddle tonight?" Dallon smiles comfortingly st me and nods, holding me into his chest warmly, pulling the thin blanket on top of us. I looked at Dallon, concern in his eyes. Not suspicion, wow, he really is innocent

My eyes fluttered open as I felt light bouncing when Dallon tried to wake me up. ''Hmmm, babe, stop, tired." I mumbled covering my face in the blankets. "Oh, don't be so lazy! It's Friday! We have to go out today!" He says pouting, and I smile. "Okay, okay.." I say, Sitting up slowly, yawning and stretching. "Where do you want to go?" I ask, hair sticking up in all directions. He smiles, "I was thinking we could go see a movie." I nod and get out of bed, stumbling slightly. I waddle into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I see nothing, nothing but guilt. I sigh deeply and pick up my toothbrush from the cup on the side of the sink. I squeeze an excessive amount of toothpaste on and brush. I glance over at Dallon who's fiddling with his hoodie pocket. 

After getting ready, I have to admit I look my best, well, casually. I walk out, hand-in-hand with Dallon to the car and I lean my head on his shoulder, staring into nowhere. He opens the passenger door for me and I hop in, smiling at him. He climbs in and starts to drive. We don't talk the entire way there, to be honest, I was scared to. He looked nervous, his hands gripping the steering wheel, sweating slightly. I was concerned, but decided it was best not to mention it.

We arrive at the movie theatre and Dallon makes me close my eyes because the movie is a "surprise." I sit down and open my eyes to see Dallon sitting next to me, smiling widely. He grabs my hands and laces his fingers with mine. I grin back at him and squeeze his hand softly. God I love him.

We're sitting watching the movie and Dallon leaves to buy candy. I'm sitting there alone, this movie isn't the greatest, but I sure didn't know they made gay love stories. I can tell the actors aren't really into guys though and it makes me laugh at certain parts. You can see the hesitation before each kiss, it's subtle, but there. I see Dallon coming back towards where we were sitting with an arm full of candy, this dude sure has a huge sweet tooth. He smiles at me then stumbles over something I can't see. I yawn and close my eyes, but I swear I'm not tired.

I open them again and see Dallon on one knee in front of me, but he's not holding the candy, he's holding a little velvet box, a silver band fit snugly in the foam. Oh god, I'm crying, why. They're tears of joy, guilt, sadness, disbelief. Everything I was holding in started flowing out, all at once, at the worst possible time.

I just stuttered and gaped at Dallon. I couldn't do this to Dallon, he doesn't know what I did. What if it happens again? I can't risk his feelings like that. "I-I'm sorry, I-I just- I just can't." I said and I saw Dallon's smile twist into sadness, then anger, as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He stood up quickly and threw the small velvet box to the ground and ran out of the theater. 

I stood up and ran after him, he ran towards our car-

Oh my god

I hear the squealing of car tires; the screech of brakes. But... It's too late for the brakes. I run up to Dallon, he's not moving, oh my god he's not moving. I pull out my phine 9-1-1 "911, "What's your emergency?" I couldn't breathe, I couldnt- I can't "He's not moving! I don't know what to do! He won't wake up!" I say sobbing into the phone and I can't talk anymore, i lean over his body, oh god. This is all my fault.


End file.
